Life for me has really been like walking through a fog, especially in the last few weeks. In my mind it has been easier to close off my heart and not let anyone in because then I wouldn’t get hurt. That perspective shut my writing down as well and not just here on the blog, but in real form in my journal and prayers to you Lord. I felt so tender from so many things. Hurtful words said to dear ones who I love with all my heart, unkindness, and most recently the loss of my sweet mother-in-law. She was the matriarch of the family. She held us together and one day she went to be with you. I love that she is with you, Lord, but I miss her with all my heart. She was my second mom. She allowed me to be part of her family and loved me like a daughter. A sweet friend and I had a falling out and I thought that is it. I am done sharing my heart. But the truth of the matter is that a heart like that is not a real heart, but more like a stone. I don’t want a life like that. Perspective is everything on the journey.
Lord, you were always with me, even when I felt you were silent. Slowly you began to work on my heart. I felt your nudges and found myself drawn back to you. Cautiously opening my heart to allow you to mend the broken pieces and heal it. Make it stronger. Spring has arrived and the morning song of the robin makes me smile. I realized that to truly live the journey before me, I have to be willing to open my heart, even if it means it might get hurt. Hurts bring me closer to you and allows me to grow in ways I might not have grown otherwise. May I say it is painful Lord, but the beauty that comes later will be worth it.
So Lord as I learn to open my heart, make it more kind, caring, and most of all loving. Show me how to be forgiving because you were of me. We are all works in progress who want to be loved, known, and cherished. Help me to let go of things I can’t change, and embrace the beauty of life before me daily. Challenging though it may be, it is a treasure to embrace and make memories for the heart. Somehow I feel it will strengthen me and help me to be a better vessel for you. Thank you for you mercy, compassion, and love daily. You simply amaze me on this adventure.
I love you Abba Father.