It has been a long time since I have written here. Silence has been a friend for a long time. Let me just say that the words have not been there for a long time. Life has been hard for many reasons and I have questioned so many things with God. But I felt the need to share my heart a bit and what I have learned in the silent quietness of life lately.
In October, I lost my father unexpectedly and I was devastated by it. He and I were very close and I couldn’t believe I wasn’t going to see or hear his precious voice or words anymore, laugh with him, hug him and tell him how much I love him. Things so many of us take for granted because we think there will always be tomorrow.
In the months since his passing, I have come to understand that grief has many stages. I was mad at God and didn’t have much to say for a long time, but you know what God waited patiently for me and with open arms. He allowed me to come with my broken pieces and drop them at His feet and say here I am, I have no where else to turn. I asked the hard questions. I still don’t understand or know why God wanted my dad with Him. There are many questions left unanswered and many God surprises me with when I think He has forgotten. God does not forget. He just doesn’t answer in my time table.
I also have come to understand that I carry my father with me. I still hear his voice in my heart and I know what he would say when I have a problem. I feel him near when I least expect it. Our parents are always a part of us, even when they no longer walk this earth with us. I am blessed beyond belief to have a father who held me close to him and he to me. The life lessons he has etched on my heart will always be there to guide me. Thank you Daddy.
People assume you are ok after the funeral. But the truth of the matter is, we are not for a long time. There have been many lonely days and hard days and dark moments. So I offer this advice. Friends check on each other. Stop and ask how they really are, and most important listen to them. Most of the time, that is all they want because you can’t fix the hurt, only God can. But don’t forget them. Walking this road alone is hard and we need love.
Lastly I have learned in this quiet silence to not take anything for granted, especially that people I love. Tell them you love them, it matters! Take the time to be kind, sprinkle it like confetti, because it matters! Eat the cake, make that phone call, spend time with the people you love, even when your to do list is a mile long. It matters! Don’t wait until that person is no longer here. I thought I had longer than I did and I was wrong. We never know what tomorrow may bring, so live life sweetly for it is short.
I hope to have tea here more often now as I feel my heart has words to share. Maybe someone else needs to hear them and know that they matter.
Until next time, smell the roses.